I’ve eventually gone mad, and written a little ditty……

Paul and Charlotte had buggered off
To travel for a year,
The house was sold,
The kids were told –
“We’re going to find new beer!”

Rio was first, on the beach
Copacabana (like the song)
Buxom beauties,
Dark skinned cuties,
Arses wedged in a tiny thong

“Bloody hell” said Paul to Cha
“Get a load of those!”
“Avert your eyes!”
Poor Cha replies
While stamping on his toes

Further south in Argentina
They discovered the Quilmes brew.
Served by the litre,
What could be neater?
And it helped poor Charlotte poo.

Flying on to Peru, Lima in fact,
The home of Paddington Bear,
Phone stolen first night,
By some foreign shite,
But really, What did we care?

We trekked for days at great altitude,
And Charlotte got very sick,
“Come on, get moving”
Said Paul disapproving
“Piss off you insensitive prick!”

Into Bolivia and still at great height
They travelled the Salt Lake Flats,
Paul took off his skids
To pose with the kids,
They looked a right bunch of twats

La Paz was a treat, a chaotic place,
As mad as they’d ever seen,
Paul biked The Death Road,
The beer really flowed,
One of the craziest places they’d been

Over the towering volcanoes they went,
Driving into Chile,
The weather was hot,
Sunburned they both got,
To call it Chile was silly

A long flight next to the land of Kiwi,
My God what a brilliant place!
Incredible beer
(Although very dear)
But so much freedom and space!

Seven weeks in a van, their mobile home,
Touring the North and South,
The life of a gypsy
And often quite tipsy,
Fine ales never far from their mouth

The beautiful Alps, the amazing beaches,
The magnificent wildlife too,
Seeing the whales
Flipping their tails
Was really a dream come true

And then Australia, the home of the ‘roo,
(Their cricket we can dismiss!)
But the beer is so shite
It gives you a fright
It tastes even worse than cat piss

Joined by Josh, their homeless son,
The two had now become three,
He’s got no money,
And he’s not very funny,
Maybe they could swap him, let’s see?